Count the Ways by Joyce Maynard is a historic contemporary fiction about a family breaking and healing through a generation. It highlights how the mistakes made by the parents, affect the life of their children. It then spreads and disturbs the life of future generations.
Eleanor is a young teen who has gone through a hard time with her own family, and the only thing she desired was to have a happy normal family life. Being a single child, Eleanor has struggled with loneliness, especially after her parents died in a tragic accident. Even when alive, her parents have never been the best example of a normal family for her. They used to fight a lot and even though they would makeup, they never considered how Eleanor felt in this toxic home. They lived their own life and Eleanor was never a part of it. This made her protective of her own family and kids.
After her parents' death, Eleanor decided to buy a farmhouse in Hampshire. Soon after she fell in love with a charming guy, Cam, she had 3 wonderful kids with him. The life on the farm seemed great initially, with softball, ice skating, and playing in the pond with the kids, but it has always been stressful for Eleanor as she was the main bread-earner in the family. Though Cam was a gentle soul who loved her, his pottery never earned enough to contribute towards the house expenses. Slowly and gradually, it took its toll on Eleanor. When a tragedy struck the family, the final bit of patience she had, evaporated and the beautiful dream of a perfect family was finally shattered.
Count the Ways is not only a beautiful book about family, but it also touches on the issues of gender transition, rape culture, illegal abortion, and the mental health of a family when an incident disrupts the normal ways of working.
This is the only book so far, that I annotated so much. Not only the characters, but the story itself also touches so many psychological elements, that I had to pause my reading after every page and really think about stuff.
Let me start with the characters first. I loved Toby of all the characters. He was totally adorable. And even after the accident, he had been this little sunshine throughout the book. Eleanor, who is our protagonist, is a character that I felt hides her feelings a lot. She does it so-much-so, that throughout the book (especially the first half), she would describe how others felt but rarely talks about her own emotions. Cam was not the worst human being, but he was the perfect definition of a nice a-hole. I hated him to my core. I hate the people who pretend everything is perfect in the worst kind of situation and while you are crying, they are smiling and pretending that nothing is wrong. Of course, nothing is wrong if you don't handle anything. He lived his life happy and positive with the kids because he never had to worry about who would put the food on the table. It's great that you are letting the women take in-charge of expenses, but you expect her to take care of the house and the kids and be the bread-earner...... seriously.! What's the use of your existence in this world.! Uff, there were a thousand things wrong with this human being and I wouldn't blame Eleanor for her trip to 'crazyland' because it was natural. No one can tolerate such a pleasant piece of crap.
Al was this cold-hearted girl but it was acceptable as she was already battling her demons regarding her gender identity and to top that, she had to see her family dismantle after the accident with her little brother. She still processed everything much better than Ursula did. Ursula was the kindest soul, who tried too hard to be the cheerleader of the family. Even after her brother's accident, Ursula took the responsibility of cheering up the family and making sure people are happy. This should have been Eleanor's job, who gave up on her family way too soon. Because of her constant need to make everyone happy, Ursula was the one who got impacted the most after her parents separated. She blamed the divorce on her mother, and even though she has been the tiny little pack of good vibes, she suddenly became negative towards her. Who can blame her though?
Eleanor was trying too hard to give her children the life she never had. Sometimes trying too hard, makes it even worse. After her son had his accident, instead of being there for him and working/hoping towards his recovery, Eleanor shut herself down. She lost all the hope and was instead mad that their son is broken. She just wanted her old son back, instead of accepting and loving him. She blamed Cam and herself for not protecting their son, but blaming and being sad isn't what parenthood is all about. She became hopeless, while Cam took the charge to bring back his son as much as he can. Even with Al, Eleanor never cared to ask what was really going on with her daughter (later her son). She was so focused on providing financial security, that she forgot to connect with her kids on an emotional level.
Later after the divorce, when cam moved on, Eleanor couldn't digest that everyone was happy without her. Everyone, including her kids, moved on and were happy in their little world. She later understood that if you are way too much for others, much more than required, you lose yourself in the process. They move on pretty quickly and even though you have given them your selfless love, they will blame you for being selfish. You need to love yourself too. There's a line that's a hard fact(pg-151):
Maybe the problem went deeper than that. Maybe she had lost sight of herself
It was true for Eleanor. The ending was perfect.! I loved the ending written for Cam and Coco. They got what they deserved (hey.! I am no angel). Cam didn't do anything wrong per-se, but he just let his children hate their own mother. His pretentiousness towards how hurt he was when Eleanor left him made me so angry. Though he didn't say anything bad about El to his children, he made them believe that she was the one who broke the family. And even though he was living his life (with his half-age new wife) as relaxed as possible, he El was making sure the kids could go to school and have a good education. and yet the kids believed their mother was a monster and their dad was a poor soul.
Eleanor had to go through a broken family to realize what went wrong in her life. She never visits the crazyland anymore. I was happy to see how Al reacted in the end, once her life was sorted out. Ursula was still being a baby and not accepting her "poor" father had anything to do with the broken family, even after knowing the truth. But that's what the book is about. The issues of a broken family that one generation brings, fester into the personalities of the future generations.
Count the Ways was a beautiful book, which takes you on an emotional rollercoaster ride. I loved it and absolutely recommend you.